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Road To the Beast

Introduction

In the Spring of 2015, I started working out with a company called Camp Gladiator.  It was a boot camp style workout program mostly involving calisthenics with little to no weight training. For a year leading up to Camp Gladiator I was working out on my own, using various apps, and even swimming at Swell Park in San Marcos before fencing practice.  I was exercising regularly, but I was recently married and had a new son. These things caused a move and a new routine. I was familiar with Crossfit but I didn't want to spend the money. Camp Gladiator was a third of the cost of Crossfit and honestly that's what sold me on it. 

 

A year later in the Spring of 2016,  I ran my first obstacle race.  It was a 10 mile course supposedly designed a navy Seal.  That morning before the race I was talking with this skinny older dude wearing a ridiculously coloured one piece body suit. He wore a fanny pack with holsters for bottles and a GoPro was on his head.  When I told him this was my first race, he told me from now one I'd be hooked. He said he'd lost count of how many races he'd done.  He said every time was different and no two races were the same. 

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That year I ran three races. One was a Spartan Race.  After some research and really getting into the 'sport' I had my eye on running the Spartan Beast. For most people, a 14 mile obstacle race sounds not only intimidating, but a harrowing feat to even attempt.  So, my New Years resolution for 2017 was to run the Spartan Trifecta: All three Spartan Races in a calendar year. A Sprint (3 miles), the Super (10 miles) and of course The Beast (14 miles).  

 

Little did I know what kind of year 2017 would be.  Not only would I be jumping over obstacles on rocky Texas terrain, but my life would take a dramatic plunge into a mud hole of heartache, and I would have to leap over a wall of disappointment only to find the course still not finished. 

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What follows is a blog of sorts I started writing chronicling my journey.  It starts off with pomp and conceit, but might as well be some melodrama documentary about how someone's life can change when one obstacle after another looms around ever rocky bend. Even after it was over, no medal could account for the journey I ran or the one that still continues...

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Why I Suffer

October 27, 2016

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“Self-improvement is masturbation.” –

Tyler Durden Fight Club – by Chuck Palahniuk

 

And yes I’ve read the book.  

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If self-improvement is masturbation, then self-destruction is the way to enlightenment. This used to be my mantra, or at least the justification I gave for all the self-destructive behavior I indulged in in my youth (am I that old that I can say that now?)

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This weekend my wife and I ran an obstacle race (or OCR if you’re one of the cool kids).  It was the third one for me and the first for my wife. Recently we watched a documentary called Rise of the Sufferfests, about obstacle races and how they have exploded in the past few years.  I took three things from this documentary which I would recommend to any OC racer:

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1: We need discomfort because we are bored with our comfortable way of life 

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2: Obstacle racing is for the privileged

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3: Suffering does lead to enlightenment 

   

When the drugs, sex, and rock-and-roll started catching up to me and I started to feel and tightness in my liver, I started pondering that maybe I needed to rethink my mantra.  So, I started exercising.  

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Any hard drinker can tell you, drinking sucks.  The act of drinking and the drunkenness is all fun and games; there’s nothing like a fresh cigarette after having 6 drinks or so on a cool Fall night. Or that last smoke before going to bed when you’re watching the sunrise after an 8 hour bender. But the next morning, or after a short dreamless night, you feel like shit. The best way to feel better is to drown your pain with more drink, like a stiff Irish coffee or a double Bloody Mary.  

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If you’re lucky and stay sober for a few days, the weekend catches up to you and you feel your lungs punching your rib cage and your liver twisting your side, just in time for Friday when you start over and drown your pain in more booze, smoke, and whatever else Dionysus wants to offer you.  

  

The pathway to enlightenment is never an easy one, and drinking is easy. The act itself requires little effort and the challenge is recovering your body to do it again which only entails laying around in bed, eating a high carb diet and drinking more to mask your misery.

 

It took me a long time, many hangovers, self-discipline, and a wife who cared about me the change my bad habits. 

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I started eating better, lifting some weights, and quit smoking.  Running was always my enemy because running sucks. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. Beer tastes gross and so does coffee, but I drink beer and coffee because I’ve acquired a taste for them, just like running.  At the risk of sounding like a smelly hippy, I’ve found running is a pathway that leads to transcendence.

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1. We need discomfort because we are bored with our comfortable way of life. 

 

We lived in caves longer than we’ve been out of caves. And when we lived there, life was hard. Since then we’ve adapted to our environment, but since the industrial revolution, we’ve been able to cease adaptation and now are able to manipulate our surroundings.  I live in Texas and there’s no way in Hell I’d live here nor would anyone else if it weren’t for Air-conditioning. 

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As we’ve gotten more comfortable, our primal wiring did not subside.  We’ve beat evolution and our brains don’t know how to cope. This is why we play video games that simulate stressful situations, like war, fighting, and crime; watch scary movies and live vicariously through violent TV shows and zombie series.  We are looking for that adrenaline rush we used to get actually fighting for our lives thousands of years ago. 

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Exercise can fill that void and is healthier physically and mentally than sitting on a couch and playing on your phone. If you want an adrenaline rush and to feel a sense of accomplishment, run three miles through mud, jump over a burning pile of oak and see how that compares to 6 hours of Xbox time.  

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The challenge is being able to run three miles to begin with and the time it took you to kill the alien hoard on the lost planet, you could have trained to run a 10k. 

  

That’s where the discomfort comes in. Playing video games and drinking gets boring, and when you get bored you feel like you have something to prove so you either play more video games or drink more…or find something else. That’s when some people turn to exercise.   

 

2. Obstacle racing is for the privileged.

 

Who else can afford it and would put themselves through needless suffering?  After my first race I told my dad about it. He was in the military and when I explained to him what it was, he said he used to do that in combat boots, with a steal pot on his head, a 60 pound ruck and a 10 pound M14.  After my second race he asked “How’d you do?” “Fine,” I replied. “Were you getting shot at?”

 

This statement illustrates a good point. Obstacle courses were designed for the military, to train for combat and mental and physical toughness.  Where there are some veterans who run the courses, I’m sure some would rather not, or the fact they can without combat boots and getting shot at would seem like a stroll on a French beach. 

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Obstacle racing is a controlled environment with people helping you and you get to choose your attire.  Sometimes they are timed, and even if they are, your time doesn’t matter unless you are competing against yourself. Sure there are some elites who compete for prizes and whatnot, but I would bet that is a small percentage of racers, like less than 1%.  Everyone can finish, everyone gets a trophy, and penalties are rarely enforced if you don’t make an obstacle.    

       

3. Suffering does lead to enlightenment.

 

You choose the method.  Like in Fight Club, the reason they fight is to escape their boring lives; to go back to the roots of what it means to be human, to be essentially an animal. 

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You can and do learn much about yourself through trials and tests.  You take your body to the limit or as close as comfortable, and then next time you go a little further, and further and further looking for that breaking point.  Once you find it you either hunt for it again or give up once you reach a certain point so you don’t go over the edge. Comfort proves very little, discomfort and suffering provide a method to open your mind’s eye and find what lays beneath.  

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You can do this many ways; through drinking and drugs, through literal fighting or sports. Or the simple act of running a little further each month makes you find things out about yourself you may never have known.

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I have some goals.  I’m looking for that breaking point. For now I’ll keep suffering until I find it…or win a trophy like everyone else. 

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                    Road to the Beast:

   Prologue 

January 2, 2017

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It’s that time of year again, when people start making New Year’s resolutions already knowing they’re not going to stick to them.  That’s the sad part of the New Year cliché. Even now reading Facebook there are memes and comics of people already failing before they start.  

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At the risk of seeming cliché, my resolution will have to do with working out, but not so much weight loss.  Instead of calling them resolutions, maybe we should start calling them goals. If you make a resolution and don’t follow through, you fail.  If you make a goal and don’t meet it but get close, it’s not a failure but rather a short-fall and the goal can still be met.

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My goal: obtain the Spartan Trifecta.  And along the way I will be chronicling not so much my progress but more about my journey.  

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Now that my lifestyle is more of a healthy one, revolving around obstacle course racing and healthy food choices, I always come across ‘success stories’ of people losing weight, overcoming addiction, or running a marathon on one leg alongside someone who has cancer. 

 

None of these things apply to me. I represent the Everyman. The person who just wants a change. I’ve never been overweight, I have no debilitating disability, I have an affinity for alcohol, but I am by no means an alcoholic. My story will just be the story of the guy behind the cancer survivor, the blurry one in the background while the legless veteran hoists himself over the 6 foot wall.  I’m the one finishing in the middle, behind the elite, but in front of the one who just lost 100lbs.  

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There are three Spartan Races I intend to run this year: The Sprint, 3+ miles / 20+ obstacles. The Super, 8+ miles / 25+ obstacles, and The Beast 12+ miles / 30+ obstacles. If I run all of these in a calendar year, I’ll complete the Spartan Trifecta. That’s the goal. 

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I’ve run a Super, which ended up being about 10 miles and at least 25 obstacles.  I finished in 2h 46 mins. The Super will be the first race I’ll run this year in May and I hope to beat my time.  I ran a Rugged Maniac which was 3 miles and 25 obstacles or so. The first place time for the Maniac was 26 minutes and I ran it in 40. That’ll be my goal time for the Sprint but looking at some past Spartan races, 40 minutes was the finishing time for some elite racers. 

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Then there’s the Beast.

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Not sure what to expect with that one.  It’s in October so I’ll have plenty of time to train and rest from the previous races.  It may be cold, or rainy. And they require you to take a camel pack and head light. My time there will set the stage for future races.

       

First things first, I will go on a diet. I’ll be doing a strict Whole30 in January.  If you don’t know what that is you should google it. When I tell people I’m on a diet, most people scoff and say, “Why do you need to go on a diet?”  Diets aren’t always for weight loss. You can eat 2000 calories in cheese burgers or 2000 calories in lean meat and vegetables and your body will react differently as well as your performance. I also want to retrain my body in certain areas. I want to re-evaluate my running posture; heels last, short strides, and try to run a 6 minute mile. 

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 I’m also going to downgrade my weights and focus on form over speed for a month or so to try and get rid of bad habits.  And more stretching. Rolling out, stretching, and yoga at every opportunity as well as posture improvement. But I’ll get into more of that as the year goes on.

 

One thing that pisses me off is when people say: “I wish I had your metabolism.” Or “I don’t have the time to work out.” Yes, I’m naturally lean, but I also work out 4-5 times a week, so I don’t want to hear my work undermined. I also have a two year old and a full time job.  I get up at 4:30 a.m. to work out. Find time and quit making excuses.  

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I’m aware of people having legitimate health risks and limitations, but at the same time, I think about those people missing limbs, battling addiction, cancer, and mental issues and still running.  If you are a capable person and you know it, there is no excuse and you will keep making excuses until you accept you are doing just that: making excuses. 

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Questions and comments welcome. Or tell me where I’m wrong. Or cry because I told you you’re lazy. I leave you with some words of inspiration: 

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“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”  – A cheater who likes wearing tights

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"Pain is weakness leaving the body.” – some square headed douche-bag

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And my favorite: “Self-improvement is masturbation.” 

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And I’ll be masturbating all year.            

  

 

Road to the Beast:

…and all I got

was this lousy T-shirt

January 13, 2017

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Before I bore you with the specifics, let me try and

reiterate my motivation. I’ve never been competitive,

never been into team sports really.  I did fence in

college but even then it seemed like we did more drinking than fencing. Ironically without the fencing team I would not have been a good fencer, but even at my best I was mediocre.

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So why am I bothering with training for these races?  Why bother with a ‘blag’? Even now it’s hard to articulate, but the best thing I can say is I’m doing it to prove something to myself.  I have no team to rely on, nothing waiting if I pass or fail; it’ll be my accomplishment and if I’m doing it for anyone else, it’s to set an example…and for bragging rights.  

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So on with the specifics: Two weeks down and I’ve been doing pretty well with my goals.  I think maybe part of people falling short of their New Year’s resolutions so early is because of the weather. The winter can really zap your motivation to work out. And I live in the south so I can only imagine what it’s like to have 4 ft of snow in front of your door when you want to go for a run.  Not to mention the lack of ‘healthier’ foods such as vegetables when nothing is growing besides snow drifts.  

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Last week it got down in the 20’s, which for us in Texas that feels like the apocalypse, and if there were even a smidge of moisture the whole state would’ve shut down.  I could have easily justified staying in and skipping a workout, but then I thought of my prologue and figured I should practice what I preach. Three days in a row I worked out in 30 degree weather or lower, mostly to prove something to myself: If I could get up and do that, then I knew anything after would be easy…unless it’s raining, that’s really gonna suck.

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So here is my workout routine on the Road to the Beast:  Camp Gladiator is a fitness program I’ve been a part of for almost two years now.  It’s mostly calisthenics and if we do use weights they are light and in repetition. I do this 3 times a week.  I also run using an app. When I first started running I used the same app. It assumes you’ve never run before and starts you slow, alternating between walking and running building you up to a 5k in 2 months.  I run three times a week, but also fit in gymnastic ring exercises a friend of mine introduced me to. The ring regiment is a 6 month progression to build upper body strength. I do this 3 times a week after my run. 

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The running and the rings have day to day workouts.  In the past I felt like if I missed a day I would fall behind and make up for what I missed.  I reevaluated this and decided to just move forward. Don’t repeat a day, just keep going. Repeating is just holding me back. 

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That leaves one day a week to rest, which I decided will be Monday. I know there will be weekends when I may not have an opportunity to workout, so Monday will also be like a make-up day if I miss something.  Once I’m done with my diet I’ll be drinking beers and watching Walking Dead or Game of Thrones on Sunday nights anyway so Mondays seem only logical. 

 

Speaking of the diet, I’m almost two weeks down and haven’t cheated on purpose (I didn’t know that salad had cheese in it).  If you read labels, pretty much EVERYTHING has some form of sugar in it. Just because a label doesn’t say ‘sugar’ there are other forms such as corn syrup, dextrose, maltodextrin, cane juice, and a myriad of other things that are actually sugar without saying sugar.  Don’t just read your labels, figure out what all that stuff is. But the cravings have set in too. I’ve never had cheese stuffed pizza crust pretzels, but this video on Facebook that showed how to make them looked pretty awesome this week. 

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My workout routine is on track too.  Like I said I’ve worked out in 30 degree weather.  I went to a Spartan workout and it was 25 degrees outside.  I’d been to one before, but it was in the summer so this was a new experience.  It was all calisthenics too so it was just like a 2 hour Camp Gladiator workout, but on gravel and we had to run up a bloody big-ass hill.  And all I got was a T-shirt.  

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I took my measurements last week, I’m not expecting them to change much, but since this a fitness journey I thought it appropriate to add them in anyway:

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Weight: 190lbs

Forearms: 30cm

Biceps: 34cm

Chest: 99cm

Belly: 93cm

Waist: 92cm (which is 36in but I wear 32in waist in pants ???)

Thighs: 56cm

Calves: 42cm

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I know these are thorough, and I used cm because that will measure smaller changes.

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I also said I would down grade my weights and work more on form, but this week the lighter weights felt too easy so I’ll stick to my normal weights, but still concentrate on my form.  The running app is supposed to work you up to a 5k, but I already know I can run one, so instead I’m treating it as a sprinting app. The hope is to work up my speed anyway. I did run 3 miles just to get a baseline time. It was 27 min 10 sec.  Could have been faster, but I got held up by a loose dog. The last time I ran 3 miles it was in 26min 46 sec, with terrain. That’d be a better time to try and beat.   

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The only thing I’m lacking is a time for the mile. I’d really like to do that on a track and within a week or so I should be able to do that just to log a time to see how far I need to go for a 6 min mile.  I also need to work on stretching. This week gave me an idea of how to manage my time and I need to find time to do more stretching. 

 

I will be posting monthly updates, take another measurement after the diet, but won’t measure often because weight and measurements aren’t what’s important to me.  It’s consistency I’m working on. I’m also aware that it is soon after the beginning of a resolution that people lose their motivation and start falling off the wagon.  I feel like the cold weather workouts were my way of knowing (or showing) I won’t lose that motivation. It’s all mental from here. The physical comes from doing the work and everything else will fall into place. 

The Beast awaits, and this is only the beginning. 

           

 

Road to the Beast: For My Wife

February 14, 2017

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My wife usually edits my drafts before I publish them, but she doesn’t know about this one, so if some of the grammar is off, or you think this blag still needs some work, then you’ll know why. She also has made it known this is one of her least favorite topics to read. She has struggled with weight loss and injury and has to sit by and read about how I just skip through workouts and eat whatever and still lose weight. She also says I come across as kind of an ass-hole. And I agree. Those of you who know me are either thinking “Why is Beau being such a douche-bag?” or “I always knew Beau was a douche bag”, and those who don’t know me might think I’ve always been like this. So let me set the record straight and justify my climbing of the douche bag ladder while rededicating my journey this year on the Road to the Beast.   

      

I’m still having a hard time articulating why I’m putting myself through this training, but I have come to full terms with the arrogance that arises from working out. When I first made working out a routine, or a hobby, I was keeping track of my calories, wondering what kind of protein powder to use, and wondering how I looked in my new exercise outfits; that’s when I woke up one day and asked “When did I become a douche bag?”

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There is a certain self-confidence that comes with exercise, and that is often confused with, or evolves into, egomania.  But when you get up before 5:00am, suffer through extreme temperatures, jump over 8 foot walls and swim through muddy water, you kind of want to brag, because how many others have done that? (I still hear my dad’s voice: “Yeah? Were you getting shot at? Were you wearing combat boots? How heavy was your rucksack?” There’s always someone who has done more than you). Plus, without the arrogance, I think this blag would be boring, so I spice it up with some sarcasm which may come across as me being a dick.  My wife made me tone down some of my last entries because they were becoming down-right offensive, but I wanted this chronicle to be genuine, because my journey is unique regardless of how much weight I lose or what hurdles I have to overcome.     

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I feel like I need to reground myself, take a step back and really ask why am I doing this?  Is it for bragging rights? For Ego? Is it for health? Is it a hobby? Or maybe there’s something deeper.

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I’m 35 and in the best shape of my life.  I used to hate it, and still do, when I hear that on commercials for the latest Bowflex machine, but it’s true. My 25 year-old self would probably look at me jogging by and laugh as he threw a beer can at me with a cigarette in the other hand. It’s my old self I’m trying to jog away from, and repair whatever damage he’s done hoping it’s not too late. 

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I have a son now, and if you haven’t heard, another kiddo on the way, which probably makes it even harder for my wife to watch me run and climb and eat and still stay thin.  Commercials flood us with ads for the latest miracle heart disease drug, procedures to “help you lose weight and keep it off” while at the same time showing images of fit 40 somethings who probably don’t have health issues at all. All this followed by ads for “Weight Gainer 20,000”, “Douche Multi-Vitamins to keep your prick hard” or some awkward pulley system supposedly used by Russian Special forces to turn you into an MMA fighter in 6 weeks.  

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I have a handful of family both immediate and in-laws who work in the medical field, and I have an extensive family history of a myriad of health problems. So, yeah, I want to take better care of my body.  The media is a cruel bastard though; “Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough to have sex.” My God, kill me if my heart isn’t that healthy anymore. And then I hear about this “Dad Bod” bullshit. What the fuck is a “Dad bod”? Whatever it is, I don’t want it, and if anyone tells me I have one, I’ll punch them in the throat.  

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So I keep asking myself: Why am I doing this? Why am I working out and training for a tortuous endurance race when jogging or riding a bike will still keep me healthy? The answer is twofold. 1: I’m a pragmatist, and I see the Beast as a practical application for my workout routine (And I acknowledge obstacle races aren’t that practical, but at least it’s an application) and 2: I want my wife and family to see I’m not wasting away, and this endeavor might add a few more years to spend with my loved ones. 

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So, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I dedicate this one to my wife, knowing full well she is glad to see me exercising, but I also want to reassure her I’m not trying to go full douchebag; and every early morning workout, every wall I plan to jump, every gallon of mud I wade through, I’m doing it for her. 

 

Post script:

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The diet is over, and good riddance.  I don’t think I’ll ever do the Whole30 again. Not that I think there is anything wrong with it, and by all means everyone should look into it, but I don’t feel like it’s effective toward my goals.  I will say this: I am less lethargic while on it. I’m still tired when I come home from work, but I never stop moving and get a lot of shit done.

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But then there’s the cravings. I went from wanting biscuits, to dreaming of sugary drinks, to making everything burn-your-ass spicy. Every time I finish the Whole30 I go a little overboard the first day off.  This year it was chocolate cake, sammitches, cheese, and high ABV beer. My stomach cramped up something awful and I went to bed in the fetal position at 7:30pm. In the past I’ve woke up in the middle of the night and thrown up, not from drinking too much, but just because my body went into shock from the absence of processed carbs.

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I lost 5 pounds. Didn’t bother with my measurements, and stayed true to my routine. The only thing I haven’t stay with is the stretching.  I really need to get that together, I know. Stretching is injury prevention and I’m terrified of getting injured. 

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I took a much needed week off (Maybe a little longer than a week) after the 4-week camp for Camp Gladiator, but the camp has started up again and, besides a little soreness in my legs, I’ve picked up where I left off.  

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My calorie intake will probably increase now that I’m off the diet, so I need to watch my weight and try and keep it at 190. But I think the calories will be good, since my workout routine will increase in running and upper body strength training.  I have a Ninja Warrior type competition in 2 weeks. That should be fun and challenge my strength instead of my endurance. 

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The Beast still looms ahead, and I welcome it with new workout clothes, a bottle of meade, and a loving wife for when I conquer it.             

                 

Road to the Beast:

Gravity Always Wins

March 26, 2017

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The enemy of all douche bags is humility; and I have been humbled. 

I entered in a Ninja Warrior type competition a month ago and now

have a new respect for those athletes. I went in thinking I was going

to win, I’ve been consistent with my routine, hanging from rings,

stretching, and all that. However, little did I know I was competing

against gymnasts and rock climbers and even a guy who actually

competed on the real Ninja Warrior.  

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The competition was set up with point system instead of elimination.  Every obstacle you complete you get points. I’m pretty sure I ended up second to last. I thought I could make it across the monkey bars on which dangled different objects you had to grip. But once I got to the last dangle (for lack of a batter word) I lost my grip and fell flat on my back. Next was a ‘salmon latter’ which I’d never done before.  I’d seen it on TV, but it’s not until you hang from one you ask “What the hell?” I missed the first rung, dropped to my knees and was almost impaled by the pull-up bar. Next was the warped wall. 15ft is higher than you think and the TV does it no justice. To earn points all I had to do was touch the 12ft mark. When I did, I turned around and instead of trying to stop I ran back down the ramp. When I hit the floor I lost my balance and skid, for about 10 ft, tearing up some of the skin on both knees.  All this in front of about 100 people or more. 

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After that I was pretty much done.  Not to mention I was one of two who didn’t complete two obstacles.  I tried again, but with the same results, except I smashed my finger on my second attempt at the salmon latter and somehow I cut the underside of my wrist. 

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I could make excuses (like a typical douche). I could say “I didn’t know you could grip higher on the dangles” or “I worked out in the morning so I was already worn out” or even “I’ve only been training for two months” But no.  I’m not going to make excuses. I was embarrassed, I was battered, bruised, and bleeding, and regardless of the encouraging words from my wife, it was pretty bad.   

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I thought I was prepared.  I increased my weights in CG from 20lbs to 25lbs. I’ve maintained my workout routine, and I’ve been training on Olympic rings, which I thought would have prepared me for the Ninja obstacles. The ring routine is to help build upper body strength and grip. I started a couple times in the past year, but stopped or had too long between exercises.

 

The day before the Ninja Warrior marked the furthest I had gone in the routine.  I also realized I wasn’t ready to move forward. According to the routine, I’m supposed to be able to ‘skin the cat’ which is where you pull your yourself up tuck your legs, roll over backwards and roll forwards again; and do that 5-13 times.  I could barely get one. Some of the other exercises I was unable to complete the rep count. So, back to the drawing board. I’m going to start the routine over again and increase the reps. Maybe the second time around I’ll be more prepared. 

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Perhaps this is another reason why people fail at their New Year’s resolutions: We start motivated, energized, focused, but then we hit a speed bump, or an injury, or discouragement, and we start to lose our focus and get run down or beat up, even months after the start. I’m not seeing this set back as starting over.  Just like how I downloaded a 5k training app when I can already run a 5k, I’m merely refocusing, redeveloping and making what was easy now harder.

 

You fall, you get back up. You fall again, you get back up. Do that enough and you call it burpees. Just don’t stop and eventually you can add push-ups and lateral jacks, or even squat jumps to your burpees.  

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I have a handful of friends near my age who are also trying to get back in shape.  I think of the commercials again: some glistening ripped dude-brah with an 8 pack and an immaculate haircut and white teeth saying “I’m 35 and in the best shape of my life.”  Why is that a trend?

 

This too I’ve discussed with friends. When we were young, in college, not married and with no kids, we had more time on our hands. We could be active or not, stay up late, stay out all night or do nothing and be content.  But once you hit your late 20’s, your body starts going through different changes. That coupled with family, work, and other responsibilities we weren’t used to before we decided to grow up and move to the suburbs, takes away from that selfish time we used to enjoy.  

 

Now we have to find time for hobbies or distractions from everyday life.  We sit around and watch sports, which has also becomes the norm for 30 something’s, as we slowly realize we are older than some of the athletes when they retire. Some start exercising, and eating better because they woke up one day and couldn’t fit into their favorite band t-shirt, or the plumbing doesn’t work the way it used to. I had one friend tell me there is a correlation between age and time you spend on the pot. The older you get, the longer you stay. 

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When I was younger and would exercise, I felt like I was burning off extra energy, like I always had a full tank and needed to go somewhere.  Now I feel like I’m fighting against something, like if I stop the bottom will fall out. I don’t feel like I’m working toward something, I feel like I’m working against something.  I have to refill, rest, workout, and try not to listen to that voice in my head saying “Just 15 minutes more sleep”, “Just one more beer”, or “You don’t have to work out today, you can make it up.” 

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Then one day the bottom will fall out.  There will be a point when diet and exercise won’t improve your body, only keep it maintained for just a little bit longer. Or there will be an injury, surgery or something that will be difficult to come back from. 

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The ultimate goal is not to live forever, but improve the quality of the life we live.  Yes there are people who lived to be 80 something, never exercised and ate what they wanted, but those are few and far between and shouldn’t be considered standards of health.  How many 80 years olds are in nursing homes who can’t walk or talk or are on respirators? How many didn’t make it to 80 because of a preventable disease? No one figures in quality of life anymore.  Do you want to live to 80, but be in a wheel chair? Or do you want to live a little longer and still be able to breathe on your own while walking with your grand kids?

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That is why I suffer, not to live forever, but to live as uninhibited as I can.  Searching for the Fountain of Youth makes you die young in the jungle. Neglecting the ivy can take down the strongest of walls. But trimming the weeds from your garden helps you harvest until the cold descends and at least you know you did all in your power to keep things alive as long as possible.     

Suffer
Prologue
T-Shirt
For My Wife
Gravity
Suffer
Prologue
T-shirt
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Road to the Beast:

Changes

May 10, 2017

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In less than two weeks, I’ll run my first race for the

year. Initially I only planned on running three OCRs

and maybe a 5K or something, but in one weekend

my races doubled.

​

The Ninja Warrior competition was one, which I failed miserably. Since then I buried myself in introspection and apathy, and fell off the routine. Then, a month ago, when I looked at the calendar and realized I was coming up on 6 weeks until the first race, I was filled a sense of urgency.

​

After the Ninja Warrior debacle, and my realization that my ring routine wasn’t doing what I expected, I felt a bit disillusioned.  I cut my routine down from 6 days a week to maybe 3 or 4. During the off-weeks for Camp Gladiator I didn’t do anything at all. I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was eating, or caring, and then Spring Break happened and my schedule fell apart. 

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Like I said, I was still working out 3 to 4 times a week, but that didn’t compare to the first two months of the year, neither did my diet…and I was probably drinking a little more than I should.

​

Then, The Walking Dead ended.  Funny and sad how our lives revolve around our TV shows, but honestly, I contribute that to my renewed motivation. 

​

I was drinking meade and staying up late while the show was going on.  The meade was hurting my liver, and I could feel my body getting soft. When I was exercising 6 days a week, my shirts fit differently, tighter in places. After the Ninja Warrior when I fell off, they loosened up a bit and my skin felt deflated. Then, when I did the math and looked at upcoming dates, I knew I had to get my head out of my ass and get to work.   

  

As my wife’s pregnancy progresses, she is less and less motivated to get up at 5 a.m.  to go work out too.  It occurred to me that on the days she does not go, maybe I should take advantage and get in a workout. Our diet degenerated, but both of us got tired of eating crap.  So after getting over myself and falling down a rung or two on the douche bag ladder, I decided to put on my big boy work-out shorts and climb back up that ladder like the douche I have become. 

​

First change: Supplements.  I started taking Milk Thistle again.  The meade was stinging my liver, I knew I needed to cut back on the high alcohol content beverages and patch things up. I also started taking melatonin.  Long story short, I’ve suffered from insomnia since high school and I know sleep is as important in a workout as a good diet. I’ve tried all sorts of pills and what nots, and even the early mornings and late nights weren’t helping my sleep, so I decided to try something more natural. I can tell it’s working. I know I’m sleeping deeper because I’m having more dreams. Also in the mornings, I feel like I’ve been inside a box for a few hours and then suddenly let out. 

​

Next: Change the diet. I know I bitched about The Whole30 and how I would never do it again, but to be honest, it did make a difference.  I won’t discount it, but I defiantly needed something similar. While on the diet, I found myself getting light headed when I stood up fast.  My wife and trainer both concluded I wasn’t getting enough carbs and/or calories. I’ve moved to a more ketogenic diet. More fats, like cheese and nuts, but still lower carb. So far it’s doing the trick. 

​

I’ve abandoned the ring routine.  As much as I liked it and thought it would work, I need something more rigorous.  I’m still doing upper body, like pull-ups and leg lifts and also some exercises that are supposed to help with the rope climb. The only thing I do with the rings anymore are reverse rows, which look like an upside down push-up.  Feet are still on the ground, but you pull the rest of your body toward low hanging rings. I’m trying to build some strength and start kipping.

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I also bought new shoes.  The ones I used were meant for hiking or trail running, so I got some proper running shoes. And, while I’m re-climbing that douche-bag ladder, I ordered a weighted vest.  I’ve been using it, but only with 12lbs. I didn’t want to jump into 20lbs right away. Push-ups and burbees are a little harder and my 2 mile time is about a minute slower with it on, but I’m getting used to it.  

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I also changed my routine.  I was going to CG workouts 3 times a week alternating days, and on the other days I was running in the morning and doing the ring workout.  Now I’m going to CG 5 times a week in the mornings. On Tuesdays and Thursdays run 2 miles before workout.

 

On Mondays and Wednesdays do upper body in the afternoon.  Rest on the weekends.

Although this is 5 days a week instead of 6, I feel like it’s more rigorous, and the weight vest is adding a new dynamic.   

 

So, back to the new competitions I signed up for: Initially, I only had eyes on the Beast. Then the Ninja Warrior came up, so I did that.  Then a friend of mine wanted to run his first OCR in November, a Rugged Maniac, which I recommend to anyone who is curious, but hesitant to run an OCR. The Rugged Maniac is more friendly and fun.  So I think I’ll run that one to close out the year.

 

Then there is the Camp Gladiator Games.

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You have to qualify for the CG games.  It’s not just something like Spartan, or Rugged Maniac where you just pay some cash and you’re in.  Really anyone can run those. Even you, yes you! The only requirement is your money. The last Spartan Super I ran there were people having fucking picnics.  Eating sammitches while their fat rolls bulged out of their active wear. And why not? They paid for the shit, why not spend as much time as they need to get that medal? 

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But you have to qualify for the CG Games and I already signed up. My focus has shifted from running the Trifecta to qualifying for a legit competition, and the pressure is mounting. If I qualify, that will add another race to my calendar. The prelim qualifying round is in August.

I’m a month into getting my head out of my ass, and already I notice a difference.  

​

I ran my fastest 2 mile run, even without my new shoes.  In my new shoes I ran my fastest one mile without even trying; I was jogging the first mile of a 2 mile run when I broke my one mile record, and then beat my previous 2 mile time again.  My shirts are more snug (insert douche comment here). I started going to a different CG camp location on the days my wife used to go, and already I’m leaps and bounds ahead of most (if not all) the people there. At my regular location if we are in competition, I am usually at the head of the pack, if not second, and that’s after a two mile run. 

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When I fell off, my weight went back up to between 195 and 200.  Now I’m back down to 190lbs and its slowly decreasing. I’m not sure if I’ll get down to 185 like I was on the Whole30, but my weight is not a priority.  Again my measurements haven’t changed much, it’s my running times and my stamina during workouts that I pay attention to the most. 

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If nothing else, it’s what people are saying that’s making a difference.  Throughout the year, a handful of my students have asked if I was a coach, or what I used to coach. Recently my students want to know run times and how much weight I can ‘bench’ (as if benching is any indication of fitness). Some students have commented on my muscles, which I’m not sure how to take when it’s coming from a 16 year old girl. And the other day at HEB, I was wearing a soccer T-shirt form my high school, and someone asked if I was a coach there. 

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Then at CG workouts people have been making comments about my performance, this is where the douche ego is repairing its self from the embarrassment of the Ninja Warrior failure. My confidence is slowly building, but there is still that voice in the back of my head saying: You are only average, If thrown into a real competition, you would lose miserably and your mediocrity will shine through.

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So it’s time to find out.  Again I ask: What am I trying to prove? Am I trying to prove something to myself? Or to other people? The Road to the Beast is turning to The Road to the Prelims, where I will be vindicated or just continue to jog back onto the path set before me. 

Life’s but a walking shadow, and mine runs 2 miles in the wee hours of the morning with a weighted vest, lifts 25lbs weights above his head, tosses 20lbs sand bags across a concrete parking lot, and throws a harmless wooden spear at imaginary enemies. And I continue to begrudgingly climb the douche bag ladder, until I lose my grip or the altitude gets too much.       

      

 

Road to the Beast:

Thor, a Dallas Cowboy,

and a Spartan walk into a bar…

June 15, 2017

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…and if you can think of a good punch line you can have it.

​

I have successfully completed two of the three races in the Trifecta.  Both were their own adventure and I’m preparing myself for the gauntlet that will be the Beast.

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The Super I had run before, but this year there was a pretty high chance of rain. Flash floods and thunder storms had occurred the whole week prior to the race. In fact, during the race we were told we might have to stop if there was lightening. But no one told me to stop, I was just running up a granite mountain when I heard some close thunder, so I ran on.

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The Super course was at the same venue as last year, but the course was different.  We didn’t have to wade through a quarter mile of river this year, and I wondered if that was because of the weather. Many of the obstacles were the same and the one I dreaded most was this damn tunnel.  Buried in the ground was about a 20 inch wide, 50 foot long PVC pipe and you had to crawl through it at an incline. I did it last year and had nightmares for about a month after. I’m not a claustrophobic person, but for whatever reason, that tunnel terrified the shit out of me.

 

It gets hot in there and you can barely move, there are people behind you cheering you on, but at the same time waiting on you to get out.  I decided to pass. There was a wider tunnel and the penalty was 15 burpees, so I took that one with no regrets. 

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I was a little rushed to the start.  The traffic was backed up and I only had about 10 minutes to prepare before my wave went.  Because of this I had to wolf down an apple and I wasn’t able to drink some electrolytes before the race.  Neither was I able to go to the bathroom. About mile 5 I was ready to find a tree to go behind, but thankfully there was a port-a-potty I could use, even if it did add a few minutes to my time.  About halfway through, while running up a mountain, I felt my calves begin to cramp up. I had to back off a little and conserve some strength to avoid an all-out cramp attack.  

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One of the first obstacles was barbed wire, but not a flat muddy field of it, there were 4, 20 foot tall mounds of dirt you had to crawl up and over while trying not to get snagged on the wire. To make matters worse, there were sticker plants embedded in the mud.  You couldn’t see them but when you pressed you hand or knees in the red clay you could feel a hundred of them stabbing back.    

 

I also nailed the spear throw on the first try.  I had been practicing and evidently it paid off. The second to last obstacle was a row of rings.  But the obstacle before that you had to dunk under a wall that was an inch above a pool of muddy water.  All the rings were wet and slippery, not to mention they were at the end of the 8.5 mile course. I slipped about ¾ of the way and fell off. 

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The last obstacle was the rope climb which I consider my nemesis.  I know I can do a rope climb, but every race I’ve run I’ve been unable to make to climb.  When I got to the rope I jumped up and tried to wrap my leg around it, but my leg immediately cramped up.  I screamed and fell back to the ground. I smacked my leg a little to see if it would loosen up, but when I made the second attempt the same thing happened and I had to settle for burpees. 

   

Despite all this, I still ran 17 minutes faster than last year at 2 hours and 29 minutes.  According to the stats, I finished in the top 40% both for the competitive group and my age group.  If you look at the overall I was in the top 11%. It was an improvement, but there were things I could’ve done better to improve my time.  That competitive voice always says you could’ve done better.

Three weeks later, with just enough time for the bruises to fade, I ran the Sprint at the AT&T Stadium.  I think I was more prepared physically for this one, but not mentally. I was looking forward to it, but it kind of snuck up on me.  

​

My wife and I got up at 5 a.m. for the drive to Dallas and we got there with enough time to spare.  The mood was more lighthearted than the Super. The Jumbotron was up and running and showing people struggling over the 8ft wall. My wife sat on the second level for a good view and we wondered how much those seats would cost if we were at a game. 

 

The start was different.  They only let 15 people go at a time instead of the usual hoard of 100 or so. Then we were off running through various parts of the building.  There were stairs, lots of stairs. Up, down, under, and across. Even bear crawling up stairs under rope. I tried not to get distracted, but it’s kind of hard when there’s a 11,000 square foot television just over your shoulder. I even stopped for a moment when I realized I was in the locker room during one of the obstacles, just to look around.    

​

The big difference in the obstacles (besides the stairs) was no mud so it was less likely to slip off anything, but if you fall you fall, which I did on the rings, again. I also missed the damn spear throw! It fell just a little short. I was waiting for the rope climb though, and the further we went through the race I started to wonder if it was even on the course.  Then we ran outside and around a corner hung the snake like ropes. 

 

This time my legs weren’t crapped, there was no mud to slip from and I hadn’t just ran 8 miles. I jumped up and began to pull myself.  After two or so pulls, for a split second my body said, “You’re not gonna make it!” but immediately afterward my mind ignored the strain in my arms and legs and the fear from the height.  Two more pulls and I hit the bell at the top… I had conquered my nemesis. But not without it giving me some rope burn on my inner thigh on the way down.

​

I finished in 57 minutes.  Not really sure what to compare it too, but if I ever do it again I’ll know my goal. Statistically I finished 12% for male and 10% for my age group.  One problem was I had a later wave so there were a lot of people taking their time, taking selfies, or just in the way. I see the people as an obstacle sometimes. The stadium stairs were pretty narrow, so if someone was walking it was hard to get around them. If I do it again I’d like to run an earlier competitive wave.   

​

I do remember this old guy, gray hair and beard, skinny, probably at least 60. He was decked out in logo heavy tights, with full gloves and workout sunglasses. He started in my heat and we passed each other several times in the race.  I heard him struggling at certain obstacles, failing some, but he always caught up to me. At the end we were neck and neck, he was just ahead of me and I let him run to the finish first, out of respect.  He collapsed from exhaustion at the finish, and I gave him a high five. If he was aware of me throughout the race, I wonder if he told anyone about me, or maybe I’ll just tell about him. 

​

No bruises this run, I wasn’t really sore except for a tightness in my caves from the stair climbing, but it was by no means and easy race. The Beast slumbers in my mind, waiting to be awakened.  I’m already telling myself to just finish, but I’m not going to slack off. I still need to work on rope climbs and grip strength to avoid the burpees. Until then I’ll keep throwing the spear forward, I still have a medal to earn. 

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The Weights We Carry

July 28, 2017

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I’ve heard people say they like running because it gives them a chance for their mind to wonder, think through things, and think about upcoming events.  While running they reach a sort of Zen; not really thinking about anything in particular, but also thinking about everything.

 

That’s never been the case with me.  I’ve always hated running and while I run I think about how much it sucks that I’m running. I do listen to music to keep my mind off the pain in my legs and the sweat in my eyes.  The music gives me some extra adrenaline to keep going, but as for my mind wondering, it always flows back to how uncomfortable I am.  

​

Then I added a weighted vest.  I’ve always paid attention to my running times and adding the vest does slow me down.  But the point of the weighted vest is to improve stamina, so the time doesn’t bother me so much.  

​

Sometimes I think about what other people think about when they run.  Do they think about their kids? Their job? Is running their form of stress relief? What about marathoners and Iron Man athletes? What the hell can you possible think about for hours at a time?

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Thought is a weight much like the vest, but may carry you in different directions.  The heavier the thought, the more it slows you down despite how fit you are. The lighter the thought, the more it propels you forward.  Emotions and stress slow us down, the more we think about them, the more they pile up. That’s always been how stress is personified: like little sand bags that keep stacking upon your shoulders.  

    

That invisible weight: thought, heaviest of all; sticking to the bottom of your shoes after each step, clinging to the edges of your dumbbells, and hanging like invisible icicles from the hems of your active wear.  

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All the little things weighting you down: spouse and family, work and school, deadlines and bills, bank accounts and dept. Your past.  All these things pulling you back like an elastic band or pull against you like dragging a weighted sled. All the while your heart pumps the blood to your active mind and spreads the thought throughout your body again like the oxygen from your lungs. 

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My heaviest weight is my unborn daughter, Bebee. If you didn’t know before, you know now: When we found out her gender, we also found out her heart isn’t working properly.  In utero she is fine, developing normally, but when she is born she will have to have surgery. Her heart won’t be able to pump blood through her lungs, and therefore, oxygenate her blood.  As of now we don’t know how serious it is and won’t know until she’s born. The doctors are certain she will have to have surgery. Only time will tell how serious and what kind. 

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So I trudge on. Shoes 10.5 oz, socks 2.2 oz, underwear 3 oz, shorts 6.7 oz, shirt 5.1 oz, vest 20 lbs, body weight 195lbs.  But Bebee slows me down the most. The weight of the unknown. My wife carrying the physical and emotional weight of not only pregnancy, but of a pregnancy with complications.  I carry my 3 year old son who is beginning to understand he will have a sister, and I carry how we will have to explain to him Bebee is sick.       

     

Back to that looming and now haunting question: Why am I doing this?  It seems I’m always asking, always rededicating. It follows me like a ghost in the morning, flowing behind my shadow.  It hovers above me just outside the light of the sun. It drips onto my mat and soaks my clothes along with the sweat and occasional blood.  It pumps through my veins and heart, in and out of my healthy lungs and up to my brain.

 

While I run, I think about my daughter. 

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Road to the Beast: Prelims

August 11, 2017

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Tomorrow I will compete in the Camp Gladiator

Preliminary Round in order to qualify for the Camp

Gladiator Games.  At the beginning of this year (if you’ve

kept up with my blog) my goal was to complete the Trifecta

Spartan Race, but since about April, my focus has changed

slightly toward the Games. 

​

People keep asking me “Are you ready for the games?” I’m not sure how to answer that.  How do you know you’re ready? How does an athlete know they are ready for a game, match, race etc.? Is it mental? Do you have to have faith in your training? I know I’ve been training hard. 

 

This is by far the most I’ve ever worked out in my life, but I also know I could’ve done more.  

In the past three months, I’ve strapped on a weighted vest and worked my way up to running 2 miles with 20lbs. twice a week. Also, I’m wearing the vest during workouts 5 days a week.  I even went on vacation in Colorado with my Cross-Fitting in-laws where I ran a mile almost every morning before a moderate workout with them before breakfast. Then we hiked pretty much all day.  Not much of a vacation, but I guess you could say I got some high altitude training in. 

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The weeks after that I worked out almost every day, in the breeze-less humid mornings before the summer sun rose. Sometimes I worked out twice a day, trying to beat the blazing sun before the air got to 105 in the shade.  I even started fencing again. I’m in better shape now than I ever was when I was fencing and my conditioning showed that, but on the nights I fenced, that would be my third work out of the day.     

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It was hard to find time to workout between a pregnant wife and a 3 year old, but at least having the summer off gave me some time.  Another obstacle is the blazing Texas heat. I had plenty of time in the afternoons to go out and run a lap or get in a pull-up workout, but goddamn it’s hard enough to walk out your front door when it’s 98 at 10 o’clock. 

​

I could’ve eaten better; more of some things and less of others.  I could’ve practiced sprints, or thrown the sand bell around more.  I attempted a yoga routine, but that didn’t last long and I found myself too tired to do much by the end of the day.  I came across an article on signs that you are working out too much. One of them was sleepiness and it occurred to me I was taking naps at the same time as my son.  One morning after my alarm went off, I sat up in bed and physically could not open my eyes. So I lay back down and took a few days off from working out. Another morning after workout, I came home and felt awful.  I was nauseous, no appetite, and as I sat on a chair drinking electrolytes, I started to fall asleep. I lay down on the couch and passed out for 2 hours. Granted that was the 8th work out in five days, so decided to take another few days off.  

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I say I could’ve done more, but I was afraid of wearing myself out and I think I came close. I never heard of over training as a thing. It didn’t surprise me, but you hear more about people spraining an ankle or tweaking a knee more than you hear about over working.  Obviously I experienced it firsthand. I mentioned before about reaching my breaking point, I think I met the edge. I’ve never felt anything like that before and hope never to again. I also watched the Crossfit Games last week. So I have no delusions that I am anywhere near as fit as those athletes.  Still I wonder if I am ready, if this intense training will be all for not. I’d like to qualify for the CG games. I feel it will be vindication, something I’ve genuinely earned and not just a participation medal for jumping over some fire. But now I’m having my doubts and a strange nervousness has taken hold of me.   

 

At the same time, I don’t know how I’ll feel if I don’t qualify.  Will I be surprised? Disappointed? Disillusioned?  Will there be regret for not working out more? Will I feel all that hard work was for nothing? Of course my health benefited and I should accept that above all else. Or what if I do qualify? Will I continue to train just as hard? Harder? Or now that school will start again will I fall short? 

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This last week I’ve taken it easy, allowing my body to recover.  I’ve watched what I ate, rested, even managed to maintain a stretching routine (sort of). I have worked out, but not to the extent of the previous few weeks. 

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Tomorrow will tell.  I’ll have to dig down somewhere and find a competitive spark that has never really existed in me before and feed it.  Make it burn hotter than the August Texas sun and hope it doesn’t burn me up with it. I‘ll have another chance the following weekend. Until the results are in, all I can do is give it my all.  That too is nerve wracking, the fact I will have to wait for I don’t know how long before I’ll know if I qualified.  

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 I’ve heard the phrase: Leave it all out on the field.  It’s never applied to me before, nor have I ever been in a situation where it might apply. I have many serious and life changing events in my near future.  I have to put all those behind me, focus on the task at hand and use all my energy one event at a time. I’ll soon know if I’m ready, trust in my training, stretch my limits, and as long as I don’t regret my performance, I’ll know I did my best and hopefully sleep well tomorrow night.     

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Road to the Beast:

Paved with Good Intentions

October 27, 2017

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So I didn’t make it to the CG games, but I have no regrets. 

I finished 138th out of 372 that completed all events. 

That’s the 42 percentile. I should be proud of myself

considering I’ve only been training regularly for less

than a year and I’m over 35.  But recently my focus has

shifted away from workouts.  

​

After the games, I took a week off leading up to the birth of my daughter.  The week she was born I took another week off. Now, it’s the third week since I’ve worked out and I have 4 before the Beast.

​

If you’ve been keeping up, my daughter has a heart condition.  To date, she’s had three procedures and we are waiting to see if she’ll need a major surgery.  My wife is staying with my daughter, and meanwhile I’m at home with my son. I feel like a single parent, but I don’t know who has it worse, me or my wife.  

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She has to stay at the hospital on a 4 hour routine of pumping, feeding, waiting and sleeping.  But she’s stuck in one place. I don’t feel like I’ve stopped moving. Even when I lay down to sleep, I’m thinking about what I have to do the next day. 

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It’s been hard to find time to work out, even to run.  I know the more time I’m stationary, to more my body will weaken.  The next race is the toughest, and as of now I may be the least prepared. 

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I did have some regrets after the games prelims. I know I could have done more, ate better, tried harder, but this year has been an experiment.  Still not sure what I’m looking for, but I know what I’ve learned. I’ve learned what I’m capable of, I’ve tested my limits. I’ve seen results and competed with the best. 

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I’ve also reevaluated my priorities.  Once you get into a habit, you acquire a taste.  If you fall out of that habit, you feel the consequences. Some of my previous logs have talked about self-destruction vs Self-improvement. At this point all my work and introspection has little to do with either.  Now it has to do with habits and consequences. 

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I worked out all summer and now school and work has started and I’ve had time to come to a realization: When working out, it was just mindless work. You don’t have to think much about what you are doing. With a trainer, they tell you what to do and you do it. Your motivation carries you along and by not working hard enough, you are only doing yourself a disservice. 

 

Now that I’m working again, teaching, sitting in front of a computer screen or standing in front of 16 year olds. The work is different. Physical work vs mental work in something I’ve never really confronted. I’ve only been working out regularly for the past two years, but this past year, really concentrating on working out and then suddenly stopping made me realize the distinction between physical and mental work.    

     

I’ve often been a procrastinator, a habit I’ve tried hard to break.  The races, the prelims, caused me not to procrastinate when it comes to fitness.  I know I need at least four weeks to prepare for an event and now I’ve procrastinated and have to confront the Beast minimally prepared.    

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Matthew 7: 13-14

November 12, 2017

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                                                 Three pairs of shoes, two pairs of fingerless gloves, a broken                                                           watch, countless socks thrown away, and a new wardrobe of                                                             workout clothes.  I have a stitch in my shoulder that’s been                                                             bugging me since before the games, I have a scar on my shin                                                           from a missed box jump. I’ve drunk and eaten things I’ve never                                                     heard of before, all in the name of prevention or endurance.  I know what it’s like to be so sweaty you’d rather be wet from a jump in the river, and so covered in river water you’d rather be covered in sweat.

 

And then there is the ring. Last Mother’s Day I was pondering what I should get my wife.  We were both working out regularly and I started to notice the silicon rings Crossfitters and other athletes were wearing. I decided to buy my wife one as a gift.  In return, for Father’s Day she bought me one as well. Two actually, a dark blue on and a camo one. I dug the camo one, it was my favorite. So, to save my wedding ring from scratches from the barbells and burpees, I would wear my silicon rings during morning workouts.

 

When I decided to go on this selfish and introspective quest, I consciously put on my camo ring at the beginning of the year when I made the commitment to run the Beast. It was only last week, when my journey was over, that I took the silicon off and put my wedding ring back on.

 

My post from February, I dedicated to my wife.  The picture I used was those two silicon rings, one is hers and the other mine. As of now, that post is the most read of all my entries.  So, I want to say thank you, dear reader, for reading about me and my wife. I don’t know who you are, and there may be several of you, but thank you nonetheless.

 

Now my journey is over. My metal ring is on, my worn out shoes and gloves are thrown away.  My medals are complete. The pain is a memory, and looking back, and reading my past posts, I see a tone shift.

 

The further I got into the routine, the deeper I dug, the more I felt a change.  I don’t remember when I first wanted to do an OCR, and the concept of running a Beast at the time seemed like an impossible goal. Now it’s over and of the races I’ve run, The Beast is the most memorable, despite it being the most recent and the longest.

 

There are several reasons for this: One, I did not qualify for the CG Games, although I was not incredibly surprised, I was disappointed. After that my routine diminished, but not because of some self-loathing apathy, but because my daughter was born.  Her life and the complications that come with it, changed my outlook on everything. Working out took a backseat, so did work. Then my father was diagnosed with cancer, one brother had a heart attack, another had major surgery. As for me and my wife, it  became soon apparent we would have to sell our house in order not to be buried in medical bills from our daughter.

 

But I was invested in the Beast.  I wasn’t going to let the shortcoming of the CG Games or everything else that was going on dissuade me from the Beast. I had worked too hard, been through too much, and paid for the fucker, so I’ll be damned if I was going to puss-out and whimper my way through it.

 

By the time my wife was back home from being in the hospital with our new daughter, I hadn’t worked out in a month.  Not even ran. I picked up close to where I left off trying to rebuild a routine and recover some muscle. I still had little time to run, but I stayed consistent and hoped the lack of endurance training didn’t hurt me too bad.

 

So on to the Beast I charged, and every step of the painful way I thought about the past year.  The cold morning standing in line, took me back to the cold weather workouts at the beginning. The cedar trees and muddy water, reminded me of my first race of the year.  All the photographers along the way looked the same, either sitting on a creek ledge in Burnet, or a bleacher seat in Dallas, they all had the same jacket…and were kind of overweight.

 

Some pain was new, like my left knee 4 miles in, or cramps from the freezing water that both numbed my knee, but hardened my legs. I was visited by a ghost from the past I caught up to who said my name and distracted me ever so slightly from the mental and physical anguish of the last and longest step in my journey (shout out to William).

 

And after the last obstacle, when I turned and saw the line of burning oak logs and the inflatable Finish Line, I felt relief and regret.  My eyes burned and I thought this might be a justifiable moment to cry. A stranger put a medal around my neck, and for a moment I wanted to tell them my story, wanted to tell them all I had been through, breakdown and explain why being there meant so much. But I didn’t of course. And that stranger put the next metal on the next person and on and on.  I thought about all the other stories behind those metals, some maybe not as interesting, and some so much more meaningful. As I said before, we run for ourselves. My story is mine alone. I went through it alone and it has meaning only to me.

 

There were many who helped me along the way.  My primary CG trainer has a new job (shout out to Ashley) and I wonder how much less I may have worked if it weren’t for her. My parents drove several hours to watch me complete in the CG Games. My wife stood by me through the sweat of the summer, and went with me to the Sprint. Many people I worked out with marveled at my tenacity and ability and I was even able to keep up with my Crossfitting in-laws.

 

Now the road has ended and the Beast conquered. The volume of little things in my life has been turned down.  Whenever something starts to stress me out, I think of the tens of miles I ran with a 20-pound vest. If someone is pissing me off, I picture them trying to scramble up an 8ft wall like a scared rat, when I know I can do it in one try after running several rugged miles. And when there is a priority, proposed by a coworker or some unseen manager or company, I think of my daughter and want to show them what is really important in life.

 

May the Road rise to meet you, may it go on forever and be long and winding. May its way be narrow and less traveled, may it take you there and back again even if it takes a thousand miles, as long as it leads to the same place.  Watch your ankles when fighting Beasts, so you don't trip into the abyss. AROO.

Changes
Thor and..
The Weights
Prelims
Intentions
Matthew 7
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Sprint
Weights.jpg
Prelims.jpg
road.jpg
matt-7.jpg
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